I missed this latest Ben and Jen conscious uncoupling People story when it came out Tuesday night, but in my defense there are so many stories about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner that it’s hard to keep up. They’ve been relentless in giving minute details of their lives to the press. This one is somewhat hilarious in that it spells out the living situation they’ve been selling us for months. It’s titled “Why Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Are At Their Closest Since Split – But Not Getting Back Together” We get it!
“It took months for Ben and Jen to figure out a new normal,” a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE.
Now, “both Ben and Jen seem very focused about what’s good with their family,” the source adds of the pair.
“There’s no sign they’re getting back together,” the source says.
I’m only surprised that People Magazine is the sole outlet to have this story that I can find. I would expect to see it on US, E! and The NY Post by now but maybe they realize that they’re long past saturation point with the public. The Daily Beast has a new story titled Death is More Escapable than Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, but the actual article isn’t as snarky as you would expect. They just lay out how it’s nice that Ben and Jen are civil to each other in their respective press tours and that they’re both on message.
Meanwhile everyone is talking about the somewhat bawdy story Garner told on Jimmy Fallon. She said that her Versace Oscars dress was so tight she couldn’t breath and almost had a panic attack. The bodysuit she was wearing under it was impossible to unlatch on her own so she had to ask her friend to reach under and do it for her when she needed to pee. Ok. She said dude a few times, she made gestures explaining what a thong was and it just didn’t sound like her.
“You see I have a waist right here?” Garner asked her host. “I don’t have one in real life anymore … but what they do is they move your organs around.… There was a metal corset and it [took] two Italian people, who were talking very quickly, and the next thing you know, my ribs were compressed.… These people move your ribs, and they move your liver out of the side and they pop you in,” she said, laughing.
Four hours later, while watching the show with a close girlfriend, Garner’s body started to rebel against the tight metal corset. “You step into a bodysuit first … like a leotard, but it’s a thong. So I was in that, and we were watching the Academy Awards … and suddenly my ribs started to panic. Everything in here started to freak out,” she continued.
“[My friend] was like, ‘If you stand up, they’ll think you’re Kanye West, they’ll think you’re protesting. You can’t stand up!'”
So Garner managed to stay put until the commercial break, when she suddenly realized she had to go to the bathroom.
“We go into the bathroom because she’s going to have to hold something up. It’s not pretty, but I just feel like you should know the truth about these things,” Garner told Fallon, who was starting to look a bit embarrassed.
“The connection of the bodysuit, because it had a hook-and-eye situation, was in an intimate position. It was, like, in, my vagine,” she said, while Fallon squirmed!
“I couldn’t reach it, so I said to my friend, ‘I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I think you’ve got to get this,'” she went on.
“She’s a good friend,” Garner added. “She said, ‘If this has to be done, it has to be done, but listen, I want you to give it a good college try!'”
After that she talked about her movie. Yes this is out of character for her, as was her saccharine reading of “Go The F- to Sleep,” but it’s not unprecedented. On the David Letterman show in 2010 she told a story about how a dolphin once pleasured himself on her foot. 2010 was incidentally the year she almost split with Ben before she had a “band-aid baby.” (Not my words, that was in an US Weekly article I’m assuming was publicist sanctioned.) The Daily Beast points out that this story took up a lot of time she could have been talking about her conscious uncoupling. At least she’s changing the narrative, right?
Garner was on Late Night with Seth Myers last night and she showed photos and talked about her stint in marching band in junior high playing saxophone. She called her saxophone “Sally” and explained how hard and exacting it was. You can see that segment here.
Here’s the clip of Garner on The Late Show talking about her Oscar dress:
photos credit: WENN and FameFlynet
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